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I am back?

 It's been a while since I have written anything, here or otherwise. A year and a half to be precise. I am no longer a college student (for now), no longer a teenager (though I definitely do not feel like it) and the way I view myself and this world and life has changed drastically in this time. I had convinced myself that my writing was not good and that I shouldn't do anything I was not good at. But looking back now, reading the old posts here, I have to admit, maybe I was a bit harsh on myself. Now that I am confronted with adulthood and people asking me what I am going to do with my life with every turn I take, I find myself reverting back to the time I wanted to be a writer. To make some sort of change with my writing. Though I now realize that that is no easy task, I have nothing but time as my companion and I ended up here, wanting to write something. I am someone who can only write from my experience, which is concerning for an English Graduate (I think this is the firs...
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Dreams and Life.

 People say you never remember your dreams. But I do. I remember every single thing I witness at the absence of my conscience. Everything my subconscious tortures me into witnessing. It is a weird experience, waking up and realizing that all that torture, all that torment, it was all something my own mind created. Sometimes, I am deeply in awe of the way the dreams trick me into thinking they are real, but most times, I just wake up crying.  I hate feeling like an outsider in my own body. I hate the fact that I have to relive my worst fears every night. I will give this though, they are always new. My brain likes to keep the torture interesting. Never the same thing twice.  Are those what you call nightmares? I do not know. Maybe they are. Or maybe, I am exaggerating. After all, I am a writer. I will never know. What I do know is, I have fallen into a deep cycle. A cycle where I chase after a love I know I'll never get. My dreams are just witnesses to the harm I've been t...
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Privilege, Incompetence and Existence.

 "Writer's block is a privileged statement. If you can't write, it just means you've run out of raw material to create from." These were the exact words a professor of mine told us in our writing club. And as someone who suffered with writing consistently, these words hit a bit close to home. That day, I came home, opened my laptop and sat there to write. For about an hour, it was just me staring at the blinking cursor. I got fed up, slammed the laptop shut and walked away.  But the guilt of not writing keeps eating at me. It's not like I don't try. Every day I sit to write a new chapter for my novel. But I end up hating the hours of work I just did. I open this very blog after avoiding its stare for more than a month. But words fly away just as I try to reach it. Even writing this is only a way of me penning down my feelings. Maybe it's not privilege, but rather incompetence. Maybe, I just emptied all my creativity into those two chapters, twenty poem...
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Stuck.

 Have you ever felt stuck inside your own head? Not stuck in a thought, but you cannot take control of what you are doing? It's like you are a spirit wandering outside your body and just watching your soulless vessel walk away. It doesn't matter what you do next or who you talk to. It doesn't matter if you are not at a place you are supposed to be. No one is going to notice your absence anyways. It doesn't matter if you suddenly stop making the effort that kept that particular friendship hang on a thread. They are not gonna start making that effort or care anyways. You are too much. You are not enough. You are too complicated. You are too simple. You are funny when you are not supposed to be. You can't take a joke.  I get stuck in my head often. I think about all these things more than I probably should. It becomes worse when I cannot write. When I cannot let it out through the only outlet I know. These are thoughts that crept in my mind years ago and grew roots tha...
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Think before you watch.

 Let's have a talk. Today will be an extension of yesterday's topic. Staying with the media curve, let's talk about the other wave of media that took over us decades ago - Serials. I'm not talking about the short 2-3 seasons of Netflix series that everyone started watching during the pandemic. I am talking about 1000 episodes long "mega serials". Because if you think movie represents sensitive topics in a bad way, boy do I have bad news for you. Let's get to it. Serials started off as an entertainer for homemakers who had no sort of entertainment. And even these were available only to those rich enough to buy a television. But around the late 80s to early 90s, almost every house had a television, which blew up the popularity of serials. Now, unlike films, these serials had the need to be relatable to housewives and interesting. So, almost all of them focused on a family and the hardships that family faces. And more often than not, the story revolves around...
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Label.

Let's have a talk. So, I was watching a film yesterday, and even though it was my second time watching it, it was this time that I noticed something. People who watch Tamil films might understand what I am about to say. Some films focus on a particular area that people live and basically stereotype the people and the area there. Some of what happens in the movie might be for awareness and a lot of the movie is just for pure entertainment. But, in a society like ours, where movies cannot afford to be pure entertainers, these stereotypes cause more harm than people imagine. Let's dive into it, shall we? The movie I was watching yesterday was "Raayan". The film focuses on the relationship between siblings and a gang rivalry of sorts. Now, despite the mixed reviews, I really liked this film. But I can't help but imagine the stereotyping this film did too. Even though they never mentioned where in Chennai this was happening, everyone watching and those who know Chennai...
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Madras 360 and Me.

 Let's have a talk. Today's post is going to be a little different from the ones I usually write. Today, I went to Patrician College to participate in their Intercollegiate event - Madras 360. And I wanted to share my experience of being in that competition and everything that happened. This event happens every year as a way of celebrating Madras day, and this is the second time I am attending this event. I went there last year, and it was my first intercollegiate event ever. As someone fresh out of school and around all these older students who have had experience before, naturally, I was very nervous. My dad had dropped me off, and my hands were trembling a little bit. I had participated in events in school before and won but never with other schools or on a big scale like this. My senior encouraged me to do my best, but alas, it was an event I was not comfortable with - Spin a Yarn. For those who do not know, Spin a Yarn is a story-telling event. You will be given a prompt o...
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