Stuck.

 Have you ever felt stuck inside your own head? Not stuck in a thought, but you cannot take control of what you are doing? It's like you are a spirit wandering outside your body and just watching your soulless vessel walk away. It doesn't matter what you do next or who you talk to. It doesn't matter if you are not at a place you are supposed to be. No one is going to notice your absence anyways. It doesn't matter if you suddenly stop making the effort that kept that particular friendship hang on a thread. They are not gonna start making that effort or care anyways. You are too much. You are not enough. You are too complicated. You are too simple. You are funny when you are not supposed to be. You can't take a joke. 

I get stuck in my head often. I think about all these things more than I probably should. It becomes worse when I cannot write. When I cannot let it out through the only outlet I know. These are thoughts that crept in my mind years ago and grew roots that are too deep for me to cut out now. I try. I try very hard to pluck it all out. And there have been times when I nearly succeeded. But they never last. Sometimes I think these thoughts are a curse. They make me question the core of who I am. They make me doubt myself. But, sometimes, I think they are a blessing. Times when I cannot get disappointed, because I knew the outcome. And sometimes, it is these questions that gave me a clear picture as to who I am.

Now that I have come so far, lived with these parasites in my mind for so long, do I take them out? Or rather, can I take them out? Would I be able to live without these plaguing thoughts? Who am I? I don't think I will find out anytime soon. But if you ever do, cherish it. Cherish that feeling and don't let go. If you ever rid yourself of these voices, never let them return. I hope you find a clearer answer to this madness.

(P.S: To anyone reading, I am fine. I wanted to let out the unfiltered thoughts that go through my mind anytime I have a writer's block.)