A little sneak peak into my brain.

 Let's have a talk.

But first, let me present you with a scenario. We had a family gathering of sorts today. Our family is pretty close-knit and we tend to have these types of gatherings once in at least a month. Now, after a heavy lunch, all of us were gathered around the hall and talking. We were all laughing and talking, it was all in good fun. Tea time had arrived and my uncle was taking head count for tea. Now, I am very particular about my tea or coffee and, naturally, my mom took a dig at it. Now, it was all in good fun, but for some reason it touched something in me and I started getting emotional. A little context, I was what you call a "Cry-baby" when I was young. Now that I was getting emotional, everyone in my family started bringing up about how I cry for every little thing. Later, when I finally got my cup of coffee, I couldn't stop thinking about this incident.

If I tell my friends about this, I'm pretty sure they will be shocked. Because to them, I don't show my emotions out that easily. So, why did I get emotional? Thinking about this made me realize a few things. When it comes to things that concern just me, I have this thing where I should handle it all on my own before telling anyone about it. My brain starts thinking that I will be a burden to anyone I open up to. This is the reason why I barely open up about how I feel during situations. The rational part of my brain knows I have people who will be more than happy to help me, but the subconscious part of my brain never allows me to do so. 

But when it comes to my family, I am always emotional. Because, while my parents and my sister have done nothing ever to make me feel anything less than loved, I don't think I can say the same to my extended family. I can remember times vividly where I've felt that maybe they don't like me. While I know now that that is not the case, wounds made when young tend to leave a scar. Maybe this is why, even though I know they are poking fun at me like they do with everyone else in my family, my brain comes to the conclusion that maybe they don't like me. And that hurts. 

I thought growing up would make me stop caring about all this, but what happened was exactly the opposite. I started caring so much about what they think so much that even the smallest things triggered my inner-child. I'll be the first person to admit I was not an easy child. But the fuss I made over eating or any other things were not intentional. I realize now that food aversions are a very real thing. I know what I did was not wrong. I know their reactions were not wrong either, their lives were not easy and I was not making it any better. But some things stick with you, however long you try to shake it off of you. 

This was not how I intended this to go, but I am glad I got this off my chest. I only wish all this ranting also helps someone. So, let's discuss. Is there something that triggers your inner-child? Or am I alone in this?

(P.S: This became a bit too personal than I intended but I hope that is ok. Also, all my family said was in good fun. I also did not epect it to trigger all these emotions. Anyways, its all ok now. Thank you.)