The biggest influence.

 Let's have a talk.

As an 18 year old, one thing that has always peaked my interest is how different people can influence one's life. I think we can all unanimously agree that the people who influence your life the most are your parents. I have heard people talk about parents as if they can never make a mistake. But I have seen people who are the living proof to disprove that point. So, what is the role your parents play in your life? I tried thinking about this, and the points I gathered made me want, or rather need, my daily dose of caffeine. So, with a cup of coffee in my hand, as usual, I got to writing.

Now, first I would like to talk about my personal experience. I am privileged to say that I lucked out in the parental department. My parents thought so much about mine and my sister's well-being that any problems in our family were never discussed with or anywhere near us. But that was only until a particular age. This space allowed me to question everything and form opinions on my own. And for that space, I will always be grateful to my parents. Later, as time went on, my parents started opening up to me in a way they never did before. This allowed me to grow up, think about the world from a more realistic lens. That was when I realized how much of an influence my mom and dad had on me. There were a lot of things that I naturally look up to them for. And my parents were kind enough to give me the space to talk to them about anything. I have never felt the need to hide things from them. And because of that, we discuss everything together. And that is what shaped me into who I am today. So, it's safe to say that they had a huge role and they had a huge influence on me.

But, as I said, I lucked out. I am very aware that this is not the case for every one. I have seen people with bad fathers and toxic mothers. So, do they still have that big of an influence on their kids? From what I have seen, yes. The reason parents have such a big influence is because they are the ones who gave you life. In my mind, parents are your creators. They are the only people who can unconditionally love you. Any other person's love is conditional. And when you lack that unconditional love and support, it plays a huge role in shaping who you are as a person. Some people make the decision to never repeat their parent's mistake. They make an active effort to be as different from their parent as they can be. There are some people who search for this love from elsewhere. This paves a way for them to easily get manipulated and get stuck in a cycle of toxicity. Now, there are another type of people. They mistake the toxicity of their parents to be love. It creates a problem because they pass this "love" to their kids as well. This will be the start of generational trauma. 

Now, the reason for parents being toxic? I really cannot think of one. I have not seen people or have had that much experience with people to know the answer to that. It can be generational trauma, like I mentioned before. It can be because of other problems in their life that takes up space in their head. But, nothing should take priority over your kids. I know people reading what I write are usually my age and are nowhere near having kids, but, keep this for your future. Kids are more than just someone you take care of. You will have a big influence in their life. You will shape the way they grow up. When you have that big of a power over someone, it is your responsibility to make sure you do not abuse that power. Make sure you never repeat what happened to you or what you witnessed happening to someone. Think about the importance you will have on that child. So now, let's discuss. Who holds a big influence in your life?

(P.S: I am not an expert in this topic. I have only written what I observed people close to me go through. If I have gotten anything wrong, please let me know so I can correct myself. Thank you.)