What is love? Don't hurt me.

 Let's have a talk.

Today's post was inspired by my parent's conversation. I know this is a very unusual topic to write about but it has always been a topic that made me curious. What makes a marriage work? I have seen marriages work and fail in my own family. What makes two people compatible? How do they lead their life together as 2 individuals and yet, work as a unit? Even as I am writing this, I look at my parents having a conversation and I cannot help thinking, how have they been happy as one for these 20 years? So, let's analyze, shall we?

Before talking about my personal observations, I wanted to talk about something we discussed in our class. For British essays, we have been discussing Matthew Arnold's essay on John Keats and in that essay is a letter written by John Keats to the woman he loved, Fanny Braun. There was only 6-7 lines of that letter in that essay but our professor discussed that particular letter for 6-7 classes. Now, looking at that letter, there was nothing in it to discuss for 6-7 hours. But, it taught me a few things. I still don't understand what love is, but I understand how love is actually not what it is portrayed to be. It is not that feeling you get by looking at someone. It is not butterflies and unicorns and rainbows. It is not chasing after someone who doesn't show an interest in you. It is not losing your respect for someone. John Keats did all this in his letter. It makes me sad to think he died at the young age of 25 without ever experiencing the beauty in love, as someone who admired beauty more than anything in the world.

With this, I will get back to my initial question. What makes two people compatible? Now, since my parents are my only test subjects for this, I will write what I have observed from them. My parents are in no way alike. In fact, I don't think there is anything even remotely alike between them. My dad is the most introverted person I know, whereas my mother is the most extroverted person. My dad loves to read, my mom falls asleep trying to read. The list goes on. But, how did they stay together this long? Its not like they never have arguments. But, they also communicate enough to work through their issues. And it took them a while to get to this place. As I grew up, I also witnessed their relationship grow into what it is today. I have also witnessed some fail marriages in our family and there were a lot of reasons for those and I won't be going into them. They are not my experiences to write. But, I think the most important thing in every relationship, not just that of spouses, is communication. The space to communicate how you feel, what you want and need from that relationship is what makes you hold on to it. 

The next thing would be something every woman has heard in her life. Compromise. Compromise is needed in every relationship. We have to compromise on a few things. But, we should make sure it is not always one person who compromises on stuff. That would make the relationship toxic. Compromise on the little things that matter to the other person. And the most important of them all, I think, is to think twice before doing anything that concerns the other person. Can I end up hurting them? Is this something they will be ok with? Thinking about all this will make your decisions that much more precise. So, now, let's discuss. What do you think makes a relationship work?

(P.S: Like I said, I don't have first-hand experience in anything I talked about. The only relationships I made on my own and held on to it are the few friendships I still have. Observing people usually works in solving my problems. If this helped you, I'm happy. And I'm open to taking any criticism. Thank you.)